Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
