im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
