I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
