Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
