the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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