Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
