I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
