Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize