We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
