You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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