Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
