I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My dick has a subreddit
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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