Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
