I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
