u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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