your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
