i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
