Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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