I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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