turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize