I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
