HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
