it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
