dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
