I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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