i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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