ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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