I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
