So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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