I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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