I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
