he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
