First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
