Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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