I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
