how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am naked and annoyed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
