so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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