Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
