I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have post one night stand depression
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