What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
