I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
