i can't believe i had my finger in that
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
