there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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