Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just pee around me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
