I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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