Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
