i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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