just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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