She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
