My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
