Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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