Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
