THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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