His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
