i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
