i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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