bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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