is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.