i jhust puked up my retainher.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.