Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
