Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.