Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music

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  (202): Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music http://tfl.nu/ve57
  Replies (3) Good night (876) Bad night (904)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word

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  (513): Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word http://tfl.nu/dxvq
  Replies (57) Good night (4322) Bad night (1112)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

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  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
  Replies (11) Good night (6385) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.

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  (817): As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie. http://tfl.nu/p0o8
  Replies (25) Good night (4933) Bad night (1320)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

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  (610): The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices. http://tfl.nu/tdjd
  Replies (22) Good night (1466) Bad night (7464)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.

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  (615): He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick. http://tfl.nu/ib3l
  Replies (23) Good night (1232) Bad night (7928)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  drinking out of a sandbucket again

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  (347): drinking out of a sandbucket again http://tfl.nu/dvop
  Replies (13) Good night (3127) Bad night (1466)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training

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  (224): woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training http://tfl.nu/euvl
  Replies (10) Good night (4497) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?

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  (205): They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level? http://tfl.nu/pz2g
  Replies (6) Good night (1851) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse

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  (216): Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse http://tfl.nu/es8j
  Replies (3) Good night (1351) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.

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  (614): My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet. http://tfl.nu/omff
  Replies (11) Good night (859) Bad night (1847)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie

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  (803): this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie http://tfl.nu/26xl
  Replies (1) Good night (826) Bad night (375)
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  (+39): View more from

  scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer

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  (+39): scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer http://tfl.nu/n0yh
  Replies (3) Good night (939) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.

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  (650): Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels. http://tfl.nu/tpw7
  Replies (1) Good night (829) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.

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  (804): Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person. http://tfl.nu/iaef
  Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (230)

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