My first STD was from a foam party
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices