Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
