you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
