btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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