everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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