I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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