nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
they need to just BURY HIM!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
