but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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