You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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