you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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