I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
