i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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