Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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