you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
