Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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