I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
